Anger

Following up on my last post, here is a compilation of my favourite songs that help me embrace and get over anger.

As I wrote it last time, I was a rebelling teenager, who, of course, could not find understanding in my parents. I know better now, but then I was just… stupid maybe. I got into fights with my mother over the usual, where were I, what did I do, etc. But this wasn’t the only source of anger in me. I started to see the world different. My parents, teachers, mostly everyone seemed lame and clueless. Their actions and reactions on life seemed robotic, or sheepish. The life they promised when I was kid shattered day by day. I still feel like this sometimes, I’m just starting to see the beauty in this cluelessness.

I really like Korn and Slipknot, and listened to every single song made by them for long years. Everybody, who wasn’t familiar with this kind of music said that it was angry music. But I disagree. Not all of them are angry. I wouldn’t listen to all of them individually, if they were the same. They each have a different emotion for me. And they’re not like ,,this is only angry, this is only frustration, etc”, it’s the beautiful mixes of emotions I can embrace in an awesome musical interpretation.

People often think, music makes teenagers angry. I don’t think it’s true. People act different, when they’re angry. Some weird people hit things, I mean, that is just plain stupid to me. Some yell, some cry. I remember being angry at the whole world. Being angry because I existed. And than I went to my room and listened to my music. Didn’t hit anything. Didn’t crack and yell it all out on some poor soul next to me, who probably didn’t deserve it. Just listened to my songs. Because knowing, that somebody else knows what you are feeling is freeing.

I mean, look at Slipknot. They never heard of me ever, they don’t even know I exist. But they know what I fell. They sing about it. They found each other, and became a band. They made a career out of the feelings that make me want to get out of this world. They are therapy to me.

You will find, that most of the metalheads don’t hate everybody. They don’t hurt anybody. They’re actually really nice, I have lots of friends from this time of my life, and they’re quite charming actually. Yes, they have a side of them, that enjoy some screaming and toughness in music. And to me, this means that I can talk with them about things that other people don’t find comfortable talking about. And those taboos are weird for me. Weirder than black clothing and strong make up and masks and metal studs.

What do you do, when you are angry? Do you have any angry music? Please leave your thoughts in the comments, I really look forward for them.

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Feeling nostalgic today

I accidentally came across a song today, that I used to listen to a lot. This became an avalanche of music videos from my past. You see, before my brother introduced me to rock, I was a total Viva kid (Hungarian music television), so I listened to popular music. So I didn’t even knew I was listening to shitty music. But then, as I said, my brother showed me some cool songs. With actual thoughts in it. And it was the best time in my life to realise that. Because I was a kinda typical troubled teenager. I was always a good kid, excellent, straight A student. So my parents couldn’t get a hold of me, when I started my rebel phase. My grades were still perfect, and if they grounded me, I just didn’t care, I walked out of the house. I drank a lot. And I was still underage, really underage. (This is not a really surprising thing in Hungary, actually, kids after elementary school start a new life in their high school, and start experimenting with drinking, parties, drugs, etc.) I got piercings (still have them, and love them though) and even tats (the same, love ’em), died my hair purple (actually, my mom helped with that, because it wasn’t as bad as getting a new piercing). Yadda yadda, I really didn’t want to get into this much detail, but if you want me to, later I could write more about this phase in my life.

So I was introduced to radical music groups, that helped me overcome.. lots of things. Fear, anxiety, loneliness, etc. I felt more power. I no longer felt like I’m alone in this world. Because that is really scary. I still have that feeling creep up on me sometimes. And I can shoo it away with my favourite songs. Now, I know, that some of this music is not actually the best, some people may even say I was lame, but I don’t care, I’m 21 now, I am not going to feel ashamed for my past. My taste evolved since that time, but I still won’t turn this songs down.

I started listening to AC/DC, The Animals, Deep Purple, The Doors, Nirvana, Placebo, Green Day, Limp Bizkit, Rage Against the Machine, System Of A Down, Korn, Slipknot and others. My big favourites are the Korn and Slipknot.

So, because I feel nostalgic and kinda sappy too, I’m going to post here some of my favourite, but sad songs from these bands. I’m not trying to get you into a lethargic mood. But I can’t always be happy, bubbly, snappy and fun. I think we have to embrace our feelings. And music always help me with that.

Maybe I should do this musical post thing regularly. I really liked putting it together while listening to these songs. Maybe next time they will be happier. Or not. What would you like? What songs leave you in a nostalgic mood? Leave the answers in the comments please, I would love to listen to your favourites.